A Dinner with the Big Three
by The Olympian Queen
Summary: You can't exactly say the dinner turned out to be a disaster in the end. It was obvious enough it would be one from the very start. I mean, the Big Three out for dinner with their children? Have you all formed an idea how dangerous that would be? Not to mention incredibly amusing.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I STILL DON'T OWN PJO OR HoO. I'm working on it not really. Alright! So, have you guys ever thought what it would be like if they went out for dinner? Awkwardness? Mhhm? I have the whole thing planned out and it's just so amusing in my head!**

Nico: STOP MAKING ME EMOTIONAL.  
Me: I love you. ^-^  
Zeus: A night away from Hera, but I must spend it with…_**them. **_**I just can't get it my way, can I?  
Poseidon: Ahh, I can't wait to see what I have in store.  
Hades: …Hunh.  
Leo: I don't see me anywhere.  
Percy: Leo, leave.  
Leo: RUDE. PEOPLE. Geez. **

You can't exactly say the dinner turned out to be a disaster in the end. It was obvious enough it would be one from the very start. I mean, the Big Three out for dinner with their children? Have you all formed an idea how dangerous that would be? Not to mention incredibly amusing. No, there was no catch to this; Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades actually took their children out for a family dinner. If only the rest of the Olympians acted so civil with each other.

Anyway, Thalia was excused from whatever the Hunters were doing that day for the dinner. She had just informed Percy she was on her way. As for Nico, no one knew with the kid. Percy was sure he was going to shadow-travel in at the last minute.  
"Honey, did you put on that shirt I ironed you? And did you try out that new cologne I bought you? Do not forget to fix your hair. Oh, and Brush your teeth too." Sally said with much anxiety.  
"Mom, calm down. You're more nervous than I am. I've dealt with the gods enough times to know when they're in a I-can-bare-with-you-for-today mood and when they want to blast me to pieces." Percy said with a wide grin. Unfortunately, this only made Sally panic more than before.  
"Well, that's the thing! If you mess up, what's to stop Zeus from zapping you with his lightning? Or Hades from doing…whatever?"  
"Dad? And thanks for having faith in my clumsy self. Relax, Thalia and Nico are also going to be there. I'm pretty sure their dads want to put on a good act for them. Plus, if the weather gets really cloudy and the ground is about to split in half, I know that's my cue to run."  
Sally grew even paler at the thought of this and Percy immediately felt bad. "Sorry, mom. Just trying to brighten up the mood."  
"Honey, I ge-" and before Sally could even finish her sentence, Nico randomly popped up which, as usual, startled Sally. "Hey, guys." Nico said coolly.  
"Sup, Nico. You excited about the dinner?" Percy asked.  
"Sure. A day with three, powerful brothers who don't get along well. Sounds fun." Nico didn't want to admit it, but he was excited. It wasn't everyday his dad wanted to spend a night with him.  
"Wonderful enthusiasm, honey. And Percy, brush your teeth. I need to go fix up dinner for Paul and me, so you two just tell me when you're leaving." Sally said.  
"Okay, mom." Percy said.  
"So, Percy, any predictions on how this will turn out?" Nico asked.  
"Lovely, it's going to be lovely."  
Just then, the doorbell rang and before Percy could get a chance at answering it, the door opened and Thalia let herself in. "Hey, Jackson. Nico." Thalia said as she greeted Percy with a smile and Nico with a ruffle of his hair. Nico wrinkled his nose at this and frowned at her, but kept quiet. Thalia was dressed in her usual clothing; black jeans, a shirt of her favorite band, Green Day, and a leather jacket.  
"I would pray and hope for the best, but then dad would suspect something. So, let's get this show on the road!" Thalia said. Nico shrugged and took the lead while Percy went to tell his mom they were leaving. "This is going to be on hell of a night." Percy muttered to himself.

Zeus stared at his reflection in the mirror while Hera went on about the girl he chatted with the other day.  
"Perhaps I can make good out of this dinner. A night without her constant pestering…it sounds pleasant." Zeus thought to himself. "On the other hand, there's that Jackson boy I'll have to see. Oh, and Hades. I suppose it's not half as bad as it sounds…"  
"Zeus! Are you even listening to me? Honestly, I get so tired of this. The same conversation repeated over and over again." Hera nagged to him.  
"Then how about you stop discussing it?" Zeus said and with a snap of his fingers, he was gone before Hera could even reply.

Poseidon was fixing himself for the big night as he sang along to The Little Mermaid. He made it a goal to show the wonderful adventures of Ariel, Flounder, and Sebastian to his son, Tyson. "Ah, a night with my boy. A chance like this is rare. And Zeus and Hades will be there. How very rare." Poseidon chuckled at the thought. "Zeus will be his little cranky self and Hades will be giving us his usual "I hate you, make me an actual Olympian" look while I amuse the kids by annoying the brothers even more. Sounds wonderful." And with that, he vanished into the currents of the sea making his way to the dinner.

"Cereal. You're going to the dinner like that? Do you know WHY you look like that? Lack. Of. Cereal. The same goes for that child of yours! Don't come running to me when you see your child is thin, pale, and lacking nutrients." Nagged Demeter.  
"Mother, please." Persephone urged.  
"Don't mother me! Look at him; he's let himself completely go and he's allowing the same to happen with the child."  
Whatever Demeter had said after that was a complete blur to Hades. He was mostly worried about the good impression he would try to pull off for his son. For all these years he had been an unfaithful father. This was his chance to fix that.  
"Uh, right, cereal. Sure." Hades said and slipped into the shadows before Demeter could eve react to his very obvious sarcasm.

"This is the place, right?" Thalia asked. The place was titled 'Le Peit Gourmet'. Percy looked down at the paper of directions and winced.  
"I think so. I don't know how to pronounce the name, but it says the same thing on the paper." Percy said. Nico, Thalia, and Percy entered the restaurant at once and immediately spotted their fathers. It wasn't hard; they were the ones that were really out of place. Zeus was wearing his usual tuxedo, hair styled back with gel, and his beard looked like it had been brushed thoroughly. Poseidon looked like he had just gotten back from a fishing trip and I'm pretty sure you have an idea on how that looks like. Hades, on the other hand, had a very strange look to him. He was dressed in fine robes that were a deep shade of red. His hair was tied back in a ponytail and had sort of a smug look to him, as if he was too good to be around these people.  
"-facepalm- Could they not have at least tried to dress, you know, more casually?" Nico asked looking quite embarrassed.  
"You would think that after all these years in the mortal world they would be used to the fashion sense. At least my dad looks, uh, somewhat normal." Percy muttered.  
"Alright, pipe down! It's like you guys are asking to get zapped." Thalia warned as she made her way to the table.  
Percy, my boy!" Poseidon said with much excitement in his voice as he got up to hug Percy. The other four stood in front of one another speechless with no movement whatsoever; almost as if they were paralyzed.  
"Geez, you can actually feel the awkwardness in the air…" Nico muttered under his breath which, to his surprise, Percy heard. Zeus, not accustomed to this in any way, nodded at Thalia while Hades gave Nico a pat on the head. Although Nico hated when people patted his head, he couldn't help but enjoy it a tiny bit when his father did it, even if he didn't show it.  
Percy clapped his hands together and said "So, uh, how about we get started with this dinner?"


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: Guys, seriously? It's like you want to see me burn in this world by constantly reminding me I do NOT own PJO or HoO. D: I live in a cruel, cruel world. Anyway, I hope you guys like this one! I tried my best; I'm still very new at this. But what's this? Hera and Demeter have stopped by for a visit? Oh my. :'D **

**Zeus: Wasn't it bad enough I had to spend a night with…**_**them?  
**_**Poseidon: YOU MADE ME EAT MY PEOPLE?  
Leo: I AM STILL NOT IN HERE. WHAT EVEN.  
Thalia: LEO. LEAVE. NOW.  
Demeter: YOU ALL NEED CEREAL!  
Hades: WHY ARE YOU HERE?  
Demeter: TO PROVIDE YOU ALL WITH CEREAL!  
Apollo: Guys, check out how hot I look through my shield's reflection.  
Me: You people need to sort out your priorities. -.- **

"Your menus." The waiter said with a heavy French accent. "Would you like a children's menu for the young one there?" he asked glancing towards Nico.  
"Wait a minute, what? No, no. I-" before Nico could finish his sentence, Thalia budged in.  
"Oh yes, please. A child's appetite just isn't built for these large, fancy meals. A children's menu would be lovely."  
"WHAT? NO, I-"  
"Forgive the child, he has quite the temper." Thalia seemed to be enjoying herself way too much while Percy and Poseidon snickered. Even Zeus seemed quite amused. Hades, on the other hand, was not pleased at all and with one look managed to threaten Thalia good enough.  
"Yes, yes, of course, madame. Here is the children's menu. I'll be back with some biscuits and your beverages." He said and was off. Nico was far from just 'pissed off' and seemed to be giving her the same look his father did.  
"Thalia, are you se-" he began before he was cut off by Percy.  
"SO, let's take a look at the menus! Hmm, the food seems great here. And expensive. I hope you guys have money. Ahah, right, Zeus?" Percy was obviously trying to bring some humor in the atmosphere but made the wrong choice of picking Zeus to chat with. In return, he received a cold look with a hint of "I am this close to killing you." Percy gulped.  
"I'm sorry, what was that you said?" he asked.  
"Um…I hope we have a wonderful evening, Lord Zeus."  
"Smooth." Thalia muttered to herself.  
After a couple of minutes, the waiter approached the table with the beverages and biscuits.  
"Have you all decided your main courses?" he asked.  
"Actually, we're having trouble deciding. How about helping us?" Poseidon insisted.  
"No, no. There is no need for that. I have the solution. We'll take your most expensive meals. Dinner is on my dear friend here." Hades smirked as he glanced over to Poseidon.  
Poseidon, who was still comprehending all of this, proceeded to go against what Hades said but the waiter had already gone to put in the orders.  
"Hades, what was that? "Most expensive meals"? What has the Underworld done to you?" Poseidon asked in a somewhat calm tone.  
"Actually, I applaud Hades. It might be one of the best decisions he's made." Zeus said very sincerely.  
"Um, thank you, brother. I think." Replied a confused Hades.  
"This is not going as planned…" Percy whispered to the others.  
"We are demigods. Since when do things go as planned for us? Remember what Persephone had us do?" Thalia questioned.  
"…Point taken." Nico said.

A good half-hour passed by with nothing but more awkwardness, small talk, and threatening looks from Zeus to Percy.  
"And so, I said to the mermaid 'Of course! I make the best jokes. Can't you sea?' Aye? Get it? Instead of S-E-E, I used S-E-A! Because they're two words that sound the same but with different definitions and spelling! AHAHAHA!" Poseidon roared with laughter and wiped away a tear from his eye. Everyone just stared blankly at him.  
"Oh…oh, ahaha, yeah. Aha…haaa…funny, dad!" Percy said with much encouragement possible.  
"Poseidon, you're a terrible comedian." Hades said plainly.  
10 more minutes passed by and the food finally arrived.  
"Here you are; the restaurant's finest, most expensive meals." The waiter said as he handed the group the food. Almost immediately, the whole table started to dig in. However, Poseidon stopped right away when he noticed a funny, unfamiliar taste.  
"My good man, what is it that you have given me?" he asked.  
"Why, that is the chef's most delectable flounder. A wondrous mixture of spices and herbs help to give you that mysterious flavor." The waiter replied. That was enough to get Poseidon gagging out his food.  
"FLOUNDER? FISH? YOU DARE FEED ME MY PEOPLE?"  
"I'm sorry, sir, what?"  
"Oh, pipe down. Your people are quite tasty." Hades said with a mouthful.  
"Tasty and expensive." Zeus added.  
"Oh no." the three demigods chanted at the same time.  
"My own brothers, how could you even eat that? AND IN FRONT OF ME?"  
"How could we not?" Hades urged.  
"Does it bother you? Are you angered about this? If so, then let us order another plate. It's too delicious." And with that, Zeus took another mouthful of the flounder.  
"I am in rage! What in Hades has gotten into you two?"  
"MY NAME. PLEASE GET THIS STRAIGHT! HOW MANY MILENIUM DO I HAVE TO SAY MY NAME IS NOT A CURSE?"  
"QUIET! I AM THE LEADER OF THE 12 OLYMPIANS AND AS LEADER, YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!"  
"STOP EATING MY PEOPLE!"  
"MY NAME."  
It became quite clear to the demigods where this would lead up to. People started glancing over and wondering what all the commotion was about.  
"Uhhh…oh, don't mind them. They're having a very intense conversation on Greek Mythology." Percy said hoping his voice wouldn't betray him and stay still.  
"Yeah! They're roleplaying as The Big Three. As you can see, they really like to get into the act." Thalia added in.  
"And if you know your Greek Mythology, you would know how much those guys fought!" exclaimed Nico.  
"Sir, if you don't calm them down, we'll have to very politely ask you to leave the restaurant." The waiter seemed very persistent on this to Percy.  
"Alright, alright. Dad! Listen, we'll get you another meal. But please, try to calm yourselves. And lay off with using Hades as a swear." Percy said.  
"For once, the kid says something reasonable." Hades said  
"Fine, but no more flounder." Poseidon said with much anger.  
"Let us at least enjoy ourselves with the kids. We don't want to ruin the evening anymore than this." Zeus said in what was almost a whisper.  
"What was that, dear brother? Is that a hint of caring I hear in your voice? Say it louder, we didn't catch that." Poseidon teased. He received a cold glare in return.

Of course, the fighting stopping abruptly and in peace was way too easy for everything to actually go well. Remember, expect the unexpected, and the unexpected was yet to come. In the case, it was to come in the form of Hera and Demeter.  
"Do you see him talking to anyone in particular?" Hera pestered.  
"No, but he looks like he needs some nutrients." Demeter responded in quite the serious tone.  
"Yes, but is there anyone pretty around him?"  
"Not sure, but I'll tell what needs to surround him; cereal. Loads and loads of cereal. Whole grain."  
"Alright, but is there anyone of unusual beauty looking at him?"  
"No, and I don't blame them! Look at him! I'm telling you, cereal is the solution. It does wonders." Hera rolled her eyes and decided to take matters into her own hands. She emerged from behind the plant at the entrance to get a closer view when the waiter stopped her.  
"Madame? How may I assist you? Perhaps a table would suit you and the lovely lady with you?" he asked.  
"Ah-" Hera began before she was cut off by Demeter.  
"My dear, you seem like a fine man with good traits. All your nutrients seem to be in place. The works of cereal, I see? We would like a table next to that fine family over there." Demeter pointed to the table her brothers were sitting at.  
"As you wish." Was all he said in return. Hera grabbed hold of Demeter.  
"Have you gone crazy? If we sit that close to them, we're sure to be spotted!" she exclaimed.  
"Honey, relax. And keep quiet, we're approaching the table." Hera and Demeter quickly took a seat at the table, covering their faces up with the menus. With a quick order of drinks, Hera took action right away. She began to lower her gaze from the menu.  
"Outstanding! They have a huge selection of bread. Whole wheat, this would be great for you!" Demeter squealed  
"Not now, Demeter. Busy." Hera said. But it was only a matter of time before they was spotted. She had forgotten something, something important; her power and anger. If Zeus managed to mess up, there would be a whole herd of cows charging at him.

**Wee~ Thanks for the reviews and follows! Those things make me happy. :3 I really hope you enjoyed this. I mean, I'm not satisfied with it, but oh well. :D **


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: Don't you guys get the point? I just do NOT own PJO and HoO. I gave up on the whole thing. /3 Rick is one lucky dude!**

Aphrodite: AH, I'm in this! -squeals-  
Leo: WHY. WHY DO YOU HATE ME? I AM STILL NOT IN THIS. And now I never will.  
Nico: LEO. GO.  
Me: Awww! ^-^ Nico and his dad had a little moment!  
Nico: -shadow-travels away-  
Me: As usual. -.-  
Waiter: You still need to pay the bill.  
Everyone: -runs-

"Uh, so, how's life?" Percy asked.  
"The same it's been for the past millenniums." Replied Zeus dully.  
"…Cool. Interesting, actually."  
"Are you trying to get anywhere with this?"  
"Uh, you could say that. Trying would be a good word."  
"You're not succeeding."  
"You're too hard on the boy. Don't discourage him!" Poseidon exclaimed.  
"You sound as if you are a top notch conversationalist." Zeus said with a smug look.  
"Judging from his last joke, I'm sure he is." Thalia murmured.  
"So, Nico, how's the weather today? Hades asked  
"Um, the weather seems…nice tonight." Nico said.  
"No thanks to me." Added Zeus.  
"You seem to be shadow-traveling a lot. I take it that you're improving?"  
"Oh, sure. Enough to be able to leave when Demeter begins her whole "Eat cereal!" lectures."  
Hades rolled his eyes. "I had one of those before I left for this dinner."  
This was basically the small talk you would hear from the group. From the table across them, Demeter tried to hold in her anger. Hera was far too busy to pay attention to whatever was going on. She had just spotted a girl, possibly at the age 28, of high beauty who looked as if she was taking in interest in Zeus. Well, on Hera's watch, that wasn't going to happen. She rose from her seat and made her way towards the girl.  
"I'm sorry to bother you, but it's really rude to stare and take interest in other men who could be taken."  
"Excuse me?" replied the girl.  
"Please, let us be civil here. I shall kindly ask you again to keep your stare focused on someone or something else."  
"Ohhh-kay, what are you even on about?"  
"Darling, no need to act so puzzled with me. I saw you staring at that man."  
"Even if I was, why would it matter to you? I don't see any interaction between the two of you. Not to mention, you're sitting at a different table."  
"I just so happen to be his wife!"  
At that last remark, the whole restaurant's attention was focused on them.  
"...Hera? What in-" Zeus began when he received a hard glare from Hades. "What are you doing here?"  
"Girl's night out?" Percy suggested  
"With Demeter?" Poseidon remarked.  
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"  
"…" Silence from the whole crowd.  
"What am I doing here? Look at this! Have you taken a second look at the people you're surrounded by? Be thankful I am here. Judging from how weak you are around most…mortals…you would have been long gone."  
"CEREAL. JUST TAKE IT. ARGH!" Demeter, who was far from anger by the last comments about her, literally pelted Hades and Nico, or rather, the whole table with cereal.  
"OH, COME ON. We were doing so well!" cried Thalia.  
"Hera, please! Let us be rational; I had no idea the girl existed before you mentioned it!"  
Matters continued to progress like this; Nico and Hades were pelted with cereal, who know one knew where it came from, by Demeter, Zeus and Hera argued, Poseidon was somewhat enjoying this, and Percy and Thalia tried to hide their embarrassment.  
"Nico! Wouldn't now be a good time to shadow-travel out of here?" Hades advised frantically.  
"UH, YEAH! Good idea." Responded Nico. So, the two were off, leaving the rest behind.  
"So…you liked the food, dad?" Percy asked.  
"Really, Percy, really? We have to stop this!" Thalia demanded.  
"She's right; I'm starting to see a bunch of cows gathering around." Poseidon said. So, the sea god and two halfbloods got up from their seats to prevent any more trouble when Aphrodite walked in. Yes, Aphrodite.  
"Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse, the flippin' princess arrives." Thalia muttered.  
"On second thought, why don't we just sit down and watch things from the table?" Poseidon asked.  
The two demigods stared and nodded at each other. Aphrodite walked in with what seemed to be a camera crew.  
"Annnddd, we're on!" one of the members said.  
"Hi! Aphrodite here with the latest on 'Disaster Dinner'! Last we check in, Poseidon had a big bowl of flounder! Ewww, how many calories did that have? Ugh, you don't want know! And now, OlympusTV is proud to bring you the dinner up front and close! That's right; we came down to the restaurant itself to catch up with the guys. And what's this? Hera and Demeter have made an entrance. Ohh, drama! Scandalous!"  
"…I somehow managed to get myself life on Olympus. Again." Percy said in disbelief.  
"Aphrodite! What are you doing?" Exclaimed Zeus.  
"Daddy, please. Isn't it obvious? You're live on TV! We secretly set up cameras around the place because we just knew this would be a disaster! Which is whhhyyyy…YOU GUYS ARE ON DISATER DINNER! Ah! How excited are you?" Aphrodite said with much enthusiasm.  
"Aphrodite! Turn off the cameras right now!" Hera ordered.  
"No can do! We've got a show to do." Aphrodite turned her attention back to the camera. "As you guys can see, it's a disaster alright! I mean, just look at the kids; poorly dressed. Oh, bad hair day? We've all had one of those, except for me. Hahaha! Oh, and I'm sure Nico was so embarrassed by his pale skin that he had to shadow-travel out of here! The kid needs to get some serious tanning done! The poor children."  
"Well, this was most certainly unexpected." Poseidon chuckled. "Tyson will enjoy seeing us on here."  
You're all probably wondering what the waiters, or rather, everyone in the restaurant was doing. Well, they were watching; watching this whole thing unfold and nothing making sense to them. For all we know, they probably still thought this was some extreme Greek Mythology roleplaying. In other words, some form of entertainment.  
"Well, that concludes this night of mischief! I'm your host, the goddess of love and all things beauty, Aphrodie! Tune in next week to see who will be our lucky Olympian out on a night of catastrophe. Yes, I just used a big word! Totally learned it today! Buh-bye!"  
"And we're clear!" yelled one of the crew members.  
"Phew, I'm beat…but still gorgeous!" Aphrodite sat down as some people worked about her hair and make-up.  
"I-uh, what just happened?" Percy sounded confused.  
"Yeah, seriously. I thought this was a dinner for us…" Thalia wondered off.  
"It is. Well, it was…" Zeus said.  
"Oh, come on. Guys, we all know this wouldn't end well. So we put you on our new show, 'Disaster Dinner'. You guys were our first group! So far, we're a hit!" Aphrodite squealed with happiness.  
"Was this really necessary?" Poseidon sounded annoyed.  
"Uncle, please. This is show biz. It's how things work around here. Anywho, I gotta run! Spa treatment soon." And with a snap of her fingers, she disappeared into sparkles and glitter.

So, that was that. How did it all end? A disaster, sure. But you have to admit, that must have been on hell of a night. Let's start off with Nico and Hades. Those two weren't exactly ready to head home to Persephone and the pelting goddess of cereal. They ended up going fishing. Yes, fishing. Hades had some diabolical plan where they would catch a flounder and somehow send it to Poseidon, just to remind him of that moment. Zeus ended up sending Hera and Demeter with Aphrodite while he took a walk with Thalia. Was it awkward? I wouldn't exactly know; but you could make out smiles on both their faces. As for the last but not least, Percy and Poseidon went to plan a little trick of their own. Seeing as the sea is Poseidon's domain, they decided to sneak up on the two fishers. How did that end up? Well, let's just say it caused a surprise, unexpected earthquake.

**SO, I hope you demigods enjoyed this! I didn't update the third chapter right away because I had serious trouble coming up with the rest of the story. And, of course, I'm not satisfied with it. -eyeroll- Nonetheless, I appreciate all the reviews, favorites, and follows! Any other suggestions go right ahead. Though, I have another story in mind. Something with a 'Hi! Welcome to my crib!': Olympus edition'. Thanks again! ^-^ **


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